one part disclosure

The Secrets of Male Friendships: Man Date
The Trust Equation


Trust has an age-old recipe, says Nardi: one part disclosure, one part reciprocity, one part intention.
Disclosure: In short, you have to open up, lay aside the public face you use for the toll taker and the grocery clerk, and let someone in. It can happen while doing things together that expose weakness, such as playing golf and hitting it into the rough. And it can happen when men assist each other, say, by letting a new acquaintance help fix the car or build a deck.
"Men are still taught not to expose their anxieties and that opening up emotionally is unmanly," says Nardi,doudoune moncler pas cher, "so men find other ways to fill the same requirement of establishing trust." Once the relationship is forged, many men will communicate their emotions to close friends. Like the four Yankees in the article "A Winning Friendship," men often know one another's deepest feelings through the efficient expression of a look or a nod -- not by talking.
Reciprocity: If a friendship is to prosper, any vulnerability shown by one man has to be matched by the other in some fashion. I tell you about my father, and you share something about yours. I play racquetball with you, and you include me in your poker night. You do the dishes, and I'll read to the kids. "Reciprocity is key at the beginning of a friendship," notes Nardi. "You keep tabs on each other. But once trust is established, this becomes less important."
Intention: Most people have had the experience of seeing promising friendships evaporate into thin air because no one bothered to commit to spending time together. It takes the dedication of scheduling that bike ride, that time at the diner, that afternoon tuning up the cars in somebody's driveway. If new friends can schedule a standing commitment -- to lunch, to tennis,polo ralph lauren pas cher, to a monthly kayak trip -- all the better. When all three ingredients are in place, a friendship is born.
Band of Brothers
It makes sense, then, that the military has long been the quintessential cradle of men's friendships. War comes with built-in common interests (staying alive, being homesick). A soldier's vulnerabilities are naturally exposed, whether he talks about his fears aloud or trusts that the guy next to him shares his trepidation, and his courage. Intentionality is taken care of, because, as every soldier knows, you sure see a lot of each other.
Take Drew McCreary and Tom Rice, both former Army reservists from Pensacola, Florida, who were called up in 1990 to fight the first Gulf War. They were both older soldiers assigned to a South Carolina unit, so they bonded over being outsiders in the group. When they were sent to Saudi Arabia, Rice says,moncler pas cher, "We were in a totally new world, dealing with officers we didn't know, and we were going to war. We had to look after each other."
They met in the mess after dinner,ralph lauren pas cher, pretty much every night. "We'd have a cup of coffee or fill a sandbag together," Rice remembers. "We had no idea how long we were going to be deployed. My daughter was a preteen, and Drew's wife was raising their adopted children without his daily support and presence. Those conversations with Drew helped me, because I spent time worrying about him and his family,polo ralph lauren, which meant that I had less time to worry about myself."
The intense trust forged in the military has kept their friendship alive 15 years later. When they got back to the States, they made a point of meeting regularly. McCreary finally persuaded Rice to pursue his dream of opening a restaurant,christian louboutin, and he became a partner in Rice's Magnolia Grill, which still serves up good food in Fort Walton Beach, Florida.
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