Nine panic of loneliness

fear of loneliness

numerous years, I hiding, desperately ambition to run from lonesome, been to few places, where no duplication, merely has not thrown open the curse solitary.

Seventeen years antecedent I was compelled to depart my first home to Henan, Xinjiang, eleven years ago, I hesitate to set foot on the practice to Shenzhen five years ago, I took my dreams and sadness standing Zhejiang land, can not afford from a dream, now, I'm maneuvering ashore their next tumble.

I never doubted my own memory of the 1st family, regardless of those lovely people are still smart things are the best memories of my infancy, no way this will not change, even when ascending fun tree in the left thigh of a long scar from childhood maltreatment alternatively is unfeeling path my mom did not let it hurl a shadow. So in recent years more and I miss Xinjiang, many nights I dream back family, cheerful laugh while wake up,GHD MK4 Gold Straighteners, get up up tears.

Today, the emotions capable afterward a failure, Zhejiang, the place I lived for five years yet without any place worthwhile of my nostalgia, one person living alone in a deserted rented chamber, I looked around and everything are well versed with, a few months to no one called to inquire if I call my family well-being, if Paul lukewarm the cold winter, I once another fend for themselves with a person, as I did as when nativity.

also thought at last, closed the rental and gas stove drip will be very cozy to let feel I no longer awake, possibly I'll like Hans Christian Andersen's novels, favor The Little Match Girl, back to heaven ,GHD Dark Styler Straighteners, no longer worry and loneliness.

but I will not do is always, by least not now,GHD Benefit Styler, I have a hope unfulfilled, there are days I must stand in front of his dad and told him I did not let him down, so I this profitless life, whichever person considered live.

As because why I left without looking back 6 years of my life, Henan, I calculate the question is I'm terrified it solo, but this lonely namely spiritual, but especially, my soul to bear.

to Henan's aunt, I have very happy, I love the small villages in the carefree animals, the green mounds are covered with a miss, and later in the South,GHD Hair NZ, every spring I like the smell from the wind Some taint youthful air, and memories in the same intoxicated.

Unfortunately, there is no perfect thing in the globe,GHD, orphans no way forever lasting dream, my life took place in the complex world of change rotating.

at the period I was fourteen years old, dark and tempestuous night in a night walking alone in the train station go on the road, around the chilly wind beating, the trees on both sides of road howling sound publish, no an is further away wheat fields and radiated graves, on the road without a motorcar, no street lights, trees deep gully faint dark people not watch the tangible situation. However,GHD Blue Styler Straighteners, I did not fear because I do so in array to avert more horrifying than this polluted matter, so I was, heart unwavering.

lesson, said nothing to fear is false, from my side when a speeding motorcycle, but after a hundred meters in front of me suddenly stopped, I quickly feared to the extreme, for a time the body of the nerve are tight Bengzhuo, then without preoccupied I jumped into a roadside gully, better deep ditch covered with long grass, I did not fall, was also one of tall grass cover up. Covered with the liquor at that motorcycle riders in the altitude of my brain and not far away, he opened the throttle foreman, high-intensity headlights fired back and ahead in my head, I do not understand what he's attempting, but I know thatthis is definitely not a nice thing, I lie inactive on the ground, the atmosphere is not a call, half the day, he step on the accelerator and ran speedily ample to sprint away.

many years afterward, when I talk about themselves and the people alone who was 14 years antique to go to Shenzhen to work asset, they are forever showing me amazing facial statements, so I will talk in this tiny anecdote, they will not know this the significance of which, very constantly, even I do not quite comprehend, but I always know thatI like a weed, can always adjust to the harsh living context and emergency positions.

my soul has worked also distant, I tin not let it stay, when standing upon the throng, so I never afraid of being alone, but fear of loneliness.