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Know What You Want Yet?
Another day in paridise and I cant help but think that I have come full circle on my seek to find what?I want in, or from, life. Leaving home over?5 months ago now I left with magnificent expectations to have my eyes opened to the world, and in turn to my desires in life. Once I had achieved this I would know what it is I wanted to do, or at least some idea for when I got back home. However it would seem that the longer I have searched I have base no answers, only more alternatives. Still as confused about the options I had prior to me leaving the country, and now clouded by the new options I have given msyelf in my search for the knowledge of what?I want.
Before leaving home the sheer amount that I didn't know what to anticipate was fairly overwhelming, even though I had tried to find out as much as i could. It is just hard to comprehend what the jungle is going to be like to live and work in, when you havnt actually been there yourself. Never the less I packaged my bags and headed off to Belize onward with everyone else who had picked up there balls and left home to have there new lives unraveled to them when they arrived in a nation,0 and context that they didn't really know everything about. The jungle experiance was amazing, and im not going to pierce you with the details of jungle life itself because I am here to tell you about my sensitive junket as disapproved to my physical one. Mentally the jungle, and the work that we took on there, was difficult, which is scarcely suprising. I feel that working in such an extreme and unforgiving environment did make me stronger mentally, and had proved to me that everything that I thought was possible... was, if I just put my mind to it. So I guess this was the {first|at {first|at first,0},0} treading stone for me finding out what it is that I want from my life and what it is that?I want to do. Just knowing that what ever it is that I set my heart on, I can achieve it. At this moment in time however I now knew I had the cerebral strength to do what I wanted, ought I so hope, but I still had no idea what exactly it was that I wanted in the frist place.
Upon leaving the forest with a new 'I can do what I want' attitude, braining off to Guatemala to learn spanish seemed like a agreeable area to put to test that if i really want to do somthing I can, so having always wanted to try and learn a language I idea,0 it would be easy. Go to classes, study abit in the evenings and then put the spanish knowledgeable to the test in the time off. This whatever was not really how it worked. Learning a language is hard, of lesson it is, it takes alot of time and alot of effort. And notwithstanding on the surface I 'want' to be able to speak spanish, I dont 'want' to have to learn. So my new 'I can do what I want' attitude has hit abit of a brick wall here. Its true, I really do feel that I can do what I want, but when there is somthing I don't want to do, sitting in between the things I have and the things I want, its all far too simple just not to try. So spanish school went fairly slowly, but I capable the basics, and it got me through, so I can't complain and it is definatly helping me at the moment working in a spanish speaking location. This whatsoever just distant to easily proved that like,mocassons shoes online,0 much as I like the sounds of things, the savage reality is, I just can't face the long skirmish to get to things I want, there has got to be somthing I can do that is a fetter of things I want to do that result in somthing I really want to do. Its an idealistic sight,0, obviously life is going to come with definite things that you didn't want to {happen|take location,occur,0},sneaker tods, those arn't planned. Why would I want to plan my life by starting with somthing I really couldn't give a ######## about, just hoping that it would amplify into somthing I want and would enjoy latter,0 on. When this could so easily go pear shaped and leave me doing somthing I hated until I could break from the system and bring an end to ... where I started 5months antecedent.
With the sun set on the days in Guatemala it was time for me to become a pedagogue,vibram speed shoe, maybe some juvenile minds all full of aspiration would give me some insentive to get back in touch with that child favor spirit that moves us through to things that we want no material how hard the road might be. Hopfully this would change my new, not so poetic, 'I can do whatever I want to do, unless there are things I don't want to do in the way' attitude. I suspect it did slightly just the work with teh children itself testified to me that you can't think this course, you can't live your life trying to dodge things you don't want to do, because you could so easily shuffle otehr people down with you. In this circumstance teh children, i was more than elated and i wanted to etach them, play with them etc but some of the harder things like spending hours ina apartment witha child that is struggling to read, I couldn't jsut walk out because I was bored of trying to teach him teh sounds of letter over and over again and no longer 'wanted' to be in teh room, but I wanted himto obtain,0 the end outcome of being able to do it,so stuck it out and feel that by doing so actually achieved somthing. So maybe I was wrong in preoccupied that I couldn't all over with the things I didnt want to, but I was right in the truth likewise. It was only because I knew it was definatly likely to get this child to understand that I continued. When looking at long term things favor jobs and relationships, alot of things come down to if additional people 'want' you to have it or no. So going via with all the hard graft just to get cornered down because somone else didn't think you shoudl have it seems kinda hopless, leaving life down to chance, in my mind, seems, well... hopless. I suppose I left the school on a moral tall, knowing I had helped these children, and the staff, doing things that every so often I really couldn't be perturbed to do, or plainly just didn't really 'want' to. So once repeatedly my attitude has evolved, now even fewer poetic and soon to become at the peak of the article to make it. Sounding somthing like 'I can do what ever I want to do, unless it involves doing this I don't want to do, and still won't garentee that I will get what I want anyhow.'
So now it was period as diving, abit of ..|.five fingers shoes,.www.vibramsbuy.com.www.cheapmbtsales.com.cheap mbt shoes, Hermes Bag,tods shoes on sale} crash from the labours of go and abit extra of a recreational period of the travel,0. Emotionally by this point whereas I was getting more and more confused by the operations of people from within the team that my new attitude apt acquire,0 what I absence was coming majorly into play. How do you get what you absence while,0 you arn't certain,0 whether dissimilar human wants the same entity? How be able to,0 you be sure that whether you try your damned hardest that it won't whole,0 get darted in your face and leave you in a aggravate possition than before? This is where my 5months of searching for the answers came crashing nigh my feet, since,0 it suddenly dawned ashore me that even though I kas long asit could all so easily go bad, that I must put the ultimate determination into the hands of dissimilar human and maybe I will have to do asset that I didnt ambition to. I wanted it badly enough that I jsut went as it, and it paid off, that I can say for sure. Now {none|no one,0} of my attitudes really make anybody sense, there are still asset that I want, and can acheive so the 'I can do what I want' attitude namely a custodian, additionally the 2nd and 3rd adapations are still true also. If i dont want to spend serious quantities of period doing asset I don't want to, to effect what I want, particularly,0 whether behind it all the destiny of it lays in the hands on somone else. Can you honestly acquaint me it is all worthy,0 going for it? And I know what your calculating, equitable measure up the odds, but even now the odds are off and you want somthing badly ample then you ambition go for it, and even now the odds are on, yet you havn't got imense lust for the thing you want then you may let it slide...
So here I am now, spending another couple of months with my thoughts, I can't honestly say I alternatively maybe anybody else will never be able to manner an attitude on how to act about the things you want. You can't live life by weighing up the odds because they so easily alteration. You may aswell, just emulate your center, and however is there at that moment and hope to god that it all works out how you have imagined it.....
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