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(CNN) -- For some survivors of the Deepwater Horizon disaster, escaping the inferno of the doomed rig made them feel like they'd cheated death.

But living with the scars of what they witnessed that night, and the memory of the 11 men who perished when the rig exploded off the coast of Louisiana a year ago, has in many ways taken their lives away.

"I remember feeling invincible when it first happened. I remember driving in my truck on the way home after the rig exploded and (I) pushed the gas (pedal) to the floor and never let off it," says Daniel Barron.

But the high Barron felt from surviving didn't last long.

"You have that guilty conscience of, 'Okay, I made it, that's great, but then these guys didn't.' Was there something I could have done to save more people?"

Barron says his guilt is compounded by physical and mental issues that are a result of the disaster.

He suffers from memory loss, and has been diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder and depression, according to medical records provided to CNN.

He witnessed one of his good friends, whom he calls a "fallen brother," die right in front of him when a second explosion rocked the rig.

"It literally picked him up . . . like a child would throw a toy . . . and he ended up bouncing off of the pedestal for the crane," he told CNN's Anderson Cooper shortly after the disaster.

"Just to see him get blown up like that, I mean,http://chunhuayanghui.i.ph/, it was, it's heart-wrenching," Barron said.

Barron says one night, the psychological pain and the guilt of surviving when so many friends did not, became overwhelming.

"I had a 6-shot pistol and I just wanted it to be over," he says.

His wife discovered him playing Russian roulette and persuaded him to hand over the gun before it was too late.

Douglas Brown, one of Barron's fellow survivors,discount oakley sunglasses, also speaks of the guilt of surviving the disaster.

"I am thankful that I, I made it out alive but a lot of times, I don't -- there's a lot of times where I feel I should, I should have died there too, along with my friends," Brown said.

Like Barron, Brown has been diagnosed with multiple mental issues including PTSD, traumatic brain injury, depression and anxiety, according to medical records.

A third survivor, Matthew Jacobs, says he thinks of the 11 victims of the Deepwater Horizon every day and wakes up screaming from nightmares where he's re-living the explosions.

"It's something that I just can't quit, you know, get out of my head," he says.

Jacobs first told the story of his harrowing escape to Cooper in the weeks after the disaster. He expected to die as his lifeboat, which was being lowered 75 feet down from the rig, was filling with smoke and started to free-fall after another explosion.

"I prayed for my family to let God know that I love my wife and that I love my kids," he said.

In the year since, Jacobs and his wife have started divorce proceedings because of his mental issues including, post-traumatic stress disorder and depression, he says.

Those mental issues are also corroborated by medical records provided to CNN.

All three survivors say their physical and mental injuries have left them unable to work and they're suing their employer Transocean for lost wages and pain and suffering.

While technically still employees, they have not set foot on a rig since the disaster and their employer stopped paying their salaries last December. They accuse Transocean of valuing profits over safety prior to the accident, and of valuing minimizing monetary losses over the welfare of its employees after it.

In a statement, Transocean responded to their allegations writing: "From the first hours, Transocean has focused on providing support for its employees and the families of those who were lost aboard the Deepwater Horizon, including continued full pay and benefits for eight months following the incident and professional counseling for those in need. Today, more than one third of the Deepwater Horizon crew are back to work at Transocean and the entire company continues to be inspired by their courage and commitment."

Transocean still pays for some of the three survivors' health care costs and gives them a small monthly stipend for room and board as required by law. The survivors were offered an additional six months of pay to drop any claims, but they declined, according to legal records provided to CNN.

On the anniversary of the disaster, the survivors say they hope to one day put the accident behind them but also hope people never forget the 11 men who died that night on the Deepwater Horizon.

"I would ask people just to remember them and pray for their families, because I know those families are still suffering," Brown says.
Watch Anderson Cooper 360° weeknights 10pm ET. For the latest from AC360° click here.
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139664 2006 年 06 月 18 日 00:00 Reading (loading. ..) Comments (2) Category: my article
When I walked out of the school day! I said to myself, I find a good job, earn money to find the woman I love, in September 1999 I went to an electroplating factory workers, plating is what some people may ask? Plating is: surface treatment of metal surface, such as; plated with gold, silver, copper, nickel. . . Started to work very hard every day, all day long workshop on the work in 12 hours. Units in two months to see me do bad things, more responsible, accountable, director and chairman of the board decided to make me technician, workshop supervisor, production site management arrangements, and I while learning plating technology, while managing the workshop production, work has changed, I also pursue their own dreams! I am a very real love and to women, boys, sometimes girls feel that they do not see the nerve to face, there is an awkward,(7) ~ The Two Sides of Perversion - Qzone log, shy, afraid to speak. This is my biggest drawback, in reality feel really can not do so good, so I started trying to network, you do not always know in the network, you can open all your friends to share their stories same time, I kept looking for my dream. Although I am not so virtual that has been, always will be to comfort his fate!
2000 the month of my years 5 met in a cafe Yan, I remember the day I went to the Internet in cafes, sitting next to a handsome beauty juicy, when I feel that great! I love that one it must be so! I secretly with her QQ, and spoke to her on it! Neither knew each other, oh no, should I know who she is! Oh, chatted for a long time, a basic understanding of some of her situation, she will one county away from where we separated, nor how far to go to work she was in kindergarten, we just know each other a time like water, and soon after dark , she was not willing to go a little bit better. Really want to tell her that I was sitting next to her! May be replaced by others to do so, you can sense prevailed, and I did not do so, as it may be ahead of the game is over. Oh, back to the unit in which moment I left the phone number! Back to the unit was frightfully calm, well expect her to call me, 6:07 point, until 8:15 the phone rings! A strange number! Grace is her! : \The boy sitting next to me now!? \Admit it! I am depressed, and finally I told her, thinking she was back to ignoring me! Surprised that I have not been knocked out, so we are very lucky to know! I asked her how she know? She said that seeing me in the face next to send roses on QQ, guess! Days of it, how stupid I am! That day we talked for a long time. In order to keep in touch with her, I often go to steal the Internet, often also called her, and later units know, find my work very seriously! Not normal, called to tell my family! I called my parents to a meal, they are rural people, some things do not understand! So one side is under pressure from their parents, while a unit, in fact, they are good to me! I love online be afraid of the people to cheat on the network, and was afraid I would destroy myself. I still continue to contact her, and she had a lots to talk about the topic, perhaps life will be so! All is fate!
parents to take me no way, try the second half of 2000, introduced to me Jiaoren object, so I know the plum, she is tall and rather fat! And Yan, slightly lower compared to that first met her in her homes, in the matchmaker's introduction we know it! She gave me good, like me, but I just want to be doing her good friend, so my parents and a matchmaker for some time that we first understand it, after some time she and her return visit to the matchmaker come to my house, in the Most rural areas are like this! So both sides are talking to the parents! And where we have a hobby, regardless of the woman both men love to play a long card! So is talking to two, and two or last name, all surnamed Cao, she and I are the same as the age of 20 years old, that I was really not very mature, and do not know how to face the love! So numb by the two sides said the formalities to be, we should understand,new balance mens! Procedures on the day on 16 September 2000 pro-set! The following story is what happened! Into you, you how to do it! I do not love her, I love to be like Martin,2010.11.13-2010.11.14 - Qzone log, is my fault. I should not have promised so numb, I should have the courage to declare, as Yan! I love her! I want to be with her! But I still do not have the courage,new balance running shoes! My weakness is. . . May be too short to get along with the reasons we do not see a few times! Do not like there is no common language, the brain controls its own thinking and not dare to say it, I do not want to give up their good work, do not want my family did! They are, forced marriage, my father was just a primary school, do not understand anything he says with death to force the door I promise this pro! If you do not, and she was engaged, he went to ****! I hate them, why do not respect me! I should have the right to choose my life! I do not want a life and who does not love to live, so I will regret for life, I told my colleagues in the unit to work, they say in favor of my point of view! How can I do it! ? The 16th day of the dark has finally come, and I am a matchmaker with a jewelry line to her house and money, we had dinner at her house, she invited a lot of people there are also three or four tables under recall who afternoon to visit my family, and of course our family who invited them to dinner! Night, I have a lot of people here to eat! Eighty-nine table man! The leadership of their own units relatives and friends came to my engagement to drink to celebrate! This matter should be replaced by others is a good thing! Others are like that, but my heart is always restless in the evening sitting on the table surface, eat and drink with them. But my mind was particularly uncomfortable! How can I face. They kept me in the pouring Take the case of cigarettes, liquor on the table to give them back the same time, I also own a full-on, probably drink more than 6 cups, 2 cup also two or so, also 1 kg more wine, my legs have been unable to control! They said I was drunk, in fact, not drunk my mind! I clearly know, that later in life is bleak. I am unable to control the anger in his heart, first serve out all the words I speak my heart out! I did not love her, I do agree that people are cursing the door, and I finally shares enough courage to say to heart, then face the parents gave me out of embarrassment spread out is a disgraceful thing! That night I drove all the way to the unit staff to ride a motorcycle to go. The way, I fell to the floor bitter, strange things I did not mind it hurt! I know I'm sober right! With a drunk back to the unit, usually I are living in the unit, the family I really could not stay longer! I decided to give up everything, to give up home, give up their jobs, give up. . . A lot, I will face the loss of all, love can only take their own future and destiny at stake! Read the following may be argued that I was an irresponsible man! I Shuisi last night! Do not know anything! 2 days early in the morning I did not take! To brought you the money and left the city with me - Nantong, a person does not know which way to go there! Think of sitting in the car over! I put my hand organ out! Out of contact. They do not know where I went! In their eyes I was so suddenly disappeared and was gone! The story did not end, you will go to such readers do it? Or in favor of my point of view or to support my parents point of view? Perhaps you will think I was right! The courage to go beyond your heart defects! Beyond their own shortcomings! I go to do that, suddenly thought of his neighbor's friend in Xuzhou work, and good! At the same time I went I did not tell him what happened in my house! I am a person fleeing forced marriages. To have been on the 11 o'clock at night, in a new city I think I should feel a little better! I betrayed the whole family! Betrayed the family, to live up to the unit! I feel there will be so easy! In that same day my father drank a potion! He actually move for me to drink a potion! ! (This thing is a week after I opened the phone when it is found!) When I saw the full-screen cell phone message that my father was drinking syrup,new new balance shoes! At first I do not believe it! Just trying to cheat me back! Later discovered that several have said cell phone number! Dubious believed! Units called again to ask friends,new balance sneakers, this time things really! Fortunately, when the emergency rescue! Have no problem! Fortunately, my father was known to drink medicine unit at the same time, notify the hospital, save time! Only to save over, but fortunately, there's friends home to the hospital before they can get timely rescue, I would like to thank them! During this time his father drink syrup, plum, go to the hospital several times to take care of my father! I thank you! Although I do not love you,My dialogue with God - Qzone log, but you can make your way to tolerate such a sacrifice! Take care of my father! That night we set the pro I do not know how you feel, should not better than, the one you love and I do not love you! You will do so! ! Really great! I really admire you, thank you. Drink syrup in his father during the time I did not go back to see my father, and perhaps you will call me unfilial read, really, really hard thinking of a person under control, when I went to Xuzhou, I thought it! I gave up everything! I really lack of filial piety, I am sorry they are, what can I do! If you do not save my father! I really regret forever! Became a sinner! About one month stay in Xuzhou I never put my things in the house said to a friend, until when a friend asked, do you have at home what happened? ! In fact, the father of a friend is my neighbor called to tell him, I really can not Manxia Qu, and had told him! He is also no way,new balance shoes! Various convince me, at that time, I really have decided to abandon the home. Under the mediation of friends! Finally the family know I am here, and he helped me and my parents of my relatives say the situation here, a friend said: my father figured out, I feel myself a bit too much, not to pursue the thing of the past, have let it go! No mention! Mui has also been at home waiting for my answer, the cause did not end. In Xuzhou was persuaded by friends and relatives! My friends back home with me! Home I do not want to say anything, just talk to my mother. Father, I do not really say, between the misunderstanding, since I do not know what to say to the leadership of this unit is also very sympathetic to me, I continue to return unit to work, I can only see my way to reduce my father face, three months later I finally shot by a matchmaker to this marriage,
I also pad
more than two dollars of losses W, and a new motorcycle, back after marriage, she was gone to work abroad, she is also very sad and painful left the city, you my heart is the same, I can understand. I can only say I'm sorry, but because I do not love you, you do sacrifice than I, though you can not see my article, now you learn online, but I sent this article on the 51 I do not will let you know!
story happened to me, I never mentioned to swallow! Until she has a boyfriend, we just did a 5-year friend, I will silently wish for you more than I want you happy! Better than I ever had.
How do you think I am a man, in fact, I feel really lack of filial piety. Way to go their own, wrong,new balance 574, not blame others! Wrong only regret for life. No one is perfect detour to go there, there are setbacks, can not be so perfect! I hope you do not go detour!
This article is the first time I thought of writing, three days ago, met 51 through 51 I read a lot of other people's articles, 51 so I have the courage to write my first debut.
Now I'm 25, and this year arrived in Shanghai, I could not finish the story never tell, there are love stories need your support to the 51 I have the courage to tell you. . The story really happened to me a lot! Endless night also speak. Go to work tomorrow, do not speak it! I only hope that the management of 51, see my article can give me the article was published it! Thank you
badly written!
hope you give me Tidianyijian!