How to Take Charge of Your Own Emotions For Good_3

Have you ever been in a situation that you were just going in to do something simple, like buy a cup of coffee at seven eleven, and some inconsiderate fool ruined your day by drawing you into some long argument? Or have you ever been at work, maybe on a Friday afternoon, looking forward to the weekend, and your boss comes up and makes a comment about something that happened over a week ago, and you suddenly feel attacked on a deep personal level, almost as if your boss wanted to ruin your weekend for you?
Why do these things happen? How can these seemingly innocent things that come out of the blue have such a huge negative effect on us? Why do other people have such power over emotions? Well, don't worry, you're not alone. Everybody has some kind of "buttons" that other people push, either on purpose or accidentally. But it doesn't have to be that way. There is a way to cultivate a skill that will allow to choose the way you respond, instead of automatically react. You can take what happens in the world around you, look at it, evaluate it, and choose how to respond to it,cheap shoes, if at all. Many people gain a lot of insight on the many articles I write on my blog about this. But before you go read my blog, make sure to finish this article first, because there is some simple but very powerful information here.
The human mind body has two different response systems. Conscious, and unconscious. Sometimes things that you learn consciously later get dropped into unconscious. Like learning to drive a car, or tie your shoes, or riding a bike. When you first started to learn these things, they were very unfamiliar, and you had to think about them while you did them. The more you practiced, the easier they became. After a while, they became completely unconscious. You do them without thinking. This is where learning starts out consciously, and over time ends up unconsciously.
Another type of learning starts out unconscious. Language is an example. You didn't consciously think about how to make sounds and words with your mouth, you just copied what adults did, and before you even knew what was happening, you could speak. Walking,wholesale shoes, crying, different accents, beliefs are other examples of things that you learn unconsciously.
Reacting to the outside world is a mixed bag. Some things, you have to practice, and they quickly shift from conscious to unconscious behavior. Like playing a sport, reacting to a ball thrown to you, juggling, throwing darts. You have to think about all of these things, but once you get the hang of them, you don't really think about them, you just do them.
Other things are kind of a mixture. If you are outside, and it starts to rain, for example. Unconsciously, you'll immediately have a desire to stay dry. If you have an umbrella, you will have to get it out,replica sunglasses, unhook the strap, push the little button, maybe shake it a few times because it is old, to get it to open. The desire to stay dry is unconscious, while the skills to open your particular umbrella needed to be learned consciously.
The same thing happens when somebody says something that may be emotionally charged, that you weren't expecting. Normally the response is to wish they didn't say it, or wish that it wasn't true. But it doesn't have to be that way. You can feel the desire to be safe, like feeling the desire to stay dry. But what you do next is really up to you. You can sit there,skinny jeans, passively, and wish things were different. If you did that in the rain you'd likely catch a cold and look foolish. But for some reason, that is the strategy most people rely on when receiving unexpected comments from others.
But you can choose. When you hear a comment, instead of waiting for your unconscious response to kick in, you have a couple of seconds to choose how to respond. Some ways to do this are to ask your self some questions:
"Is this true, or is this just their opinion?"
"What exactly does this mean for me?"
"What can I guess this person wants me to do?"
"What would be some good questions to ask to get more information from this person?"
"What does this person want from me?"
When you start to immediately ask yourself these questions, you open up space in the moment between outside stimulus, and your choice of response. And by the very action of choosing how to respond, you will gain incredible power over your own emotions, which will have benefits far beyond what you can imagine.