whichmustbeterrible.It
wastrueasthedoctorsaidthatIvanIlych'sphysicalsuffe ringswere
55
terriblebutworsethanthephysicalsufferingswerehisme ntalsuffer-
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Hismentalsufferingswereduetothefactthatthatnightas helooked
atGerasim'ssleepygood-naturedfacewithitsprominentcheek-bones
thequestionsuddenlyoccurredtohim:"Whatifmywholelif ehasbeen
wrong?"
Itoccurredtohimthatwhathadappearedperfectlyimpossi blebefore
namelythathehadnotspenthislifeasheshouldhavedonemi ghtafter
allbetrue.Itoccurredtohimthathisscarcelyperceptibl eattemptsto
struggleagainstwhatwasconsideredgoodbythemosthighl yplaced
peoplethosescarcelynoticeableimpulseswhichhehadimm ediately
suppressedmighthavebeentherealthingandalltherestfa lse.Andhis
professionaldutiesandthewholearrangementofhislifea ndofhisfam-
ilyandallhissocialandofficialinterestsmightallhave beenfalse.He
triedtodefendallthosethingstohimselfandsuddenlyfel ttheweakness
of what he was defending. There was nothing to defend.
Butifthatissohesaidtohimself,
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consciousnessthatIhavelostallthatwasgivenmeanditis impossible
torectifyit��whatthen?
Helayonhisbackandbegantopasshislifein
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